---
title: "Marketing Haiku, 2.0, aka I Still Have Writer’s Block"
canonical: https://www.ianlurie.com/writing/marketing-haiku/
date: 2020-02-25
category: "Randomness"
description: "Yep. I still have writer’s block. I’m so desperate I’m rewriting old fluff pieces and publishing them in a futile display of attention grubbing. So here you go: More Marketing…"
---
I wrote the first version of this a few years back. I’m averaging three hours’ sleep and have chronic writer’s block. So I give you, Marketing Haiku, 2.0:

## Employment

You proclaim we should  
“Shower the web with content”  
Print your resume

Working from home! Yay!  
Productivity is dead  
I take cat photos

## LinkedIn

Your fake compliments  
Do not impress me. They just  
Induce nausea

If you sell to me  
Right after we connect I  
Report you forthwith

## Good Days

Words flow from keyboard  
And actually make sense.  
Pleasantly surprised

Great data dashboards  
Bring salty tears to my eyes  
My heart’s cockles warm

They followed advice!  
Unironically smile  
Marketer joyful

## Bad Days

You are a guru  
Fine. Provide good advice or  
I may throat punch you

You can’t pick my brain  
There are no advice boogers  
Back away slowly

Rankings won’t improve?!  
I punch desk. Google laughs at  
my despairing shrieks

## UX

To download ebook  
“Please enter your email first”  
They must be insane

State/Province drop-down  
Refuses tab. How about  
If you try again.

## Analytics

I do not grok your  
Crazy dashboard. Could you please  
read Tufte? Thank you.

## SEO

You should read the SERP  
Or [Gianlucca](https://twitter.com/gfiorelli1/status/1054632608401887232) may snap  
your face. I agree.

Indexation reports  
Mean never having to say:  
It’s a penalty!

## Content

I have one typo  
Smarty pants found it. Twitter  
corrections explode

Haiku doesn’t have  
the right number of syllables  
Read previous verse

I can never spell  
Lisense lisence license to  
Save my life. Can you?

Your stock photo  
Is absurd. I recommend  
Doodling instead

Steal my stuff  
You thought I wouldn’t notice?  
Prepare for ass kick

## Collections

Why you not pay me?  
Look at your site. It went poof.  
Now can you pay me?

Wistfully we gaze  
Wondering why you decline  
To pay this invoice  
(truly sent this to a client way back when)

## Conclusion, and Futility

Still I lack ideas  
Tomorrow try iambic  
pentameter? Hmm.