I wrote the first version of this a few years back. I’m averaging three hours’ sleep and have chronic writer’s block. So I give you, Marketing Haiku, 2.0:
Employment
You proclaim we should
“Shower the web with content”
Print your resume
Working from home! Yay!
Productivity is dead
I take cat photos
Your fake compliments
Do not impress me. They just
Induce nausea
If you sell to me
Right after we connect I
Report you forthwith
Good Days
Words flow from keyboard
And actually make sense.
Pleasantly surprised
Great data dashboards
Bring salty tears to my eyes
My heart’s cockles warm
They followed advice!
Unironically smile
Marketer joyful
Bad Days
You are a guru
Fine. Provide good advice or
I may throat punch you
You can’t pick my brain
There are no advice boogers
Back away slowly
Rankings won’t improve?!
I punch desk. Google laughs at
my despairing shrieks
UX
To download ebook
“Please enter your email first”
They must be insane
State/Province drop-down
Refuses tab. How about
If you try again.
Analytics
I do not grok your
Crazy dashboard. Could you please
read Tufte? Thank you.
SEO
You should read the SERP
Or Gianlucca may snap
your face. I agree.
Indexation reports
Mean never having to say:
It’s a penalty!
Content
I have one typo
Smarty pants found it. Twitter
corrections explode
Haiku doesn’t have
the right number of syllables
Read previous verse
I can never spell
Lisense lisence license to
Save my life. Can you?
Your stock photo
Is absurd. I recommend
Doodling instead
Steal my stuff
You thought I wouldn’t notice?
Prepare for ass kick
Collections
Why you not pay me?
Look at your site. It went poof.
Now can you pay me?
Wistfully we gaze
Wondering why you decline
To pay this invoice
(truly sent this to a client way back when)
Conclusion, and Futility
Still I lack ideas
Tomorrow try iambic
pentameter? Hmm.